Can I be transparent? I don't like talking about stuff like this, but I definitely feel lead to share.
I go through these weird stages in life where I feel like I'm in a fog. Kinda like, I'm here, but I'm not here, if that makes sense. Just going through life... going through the motions. I don't like talking about it much because I use to feel like I can't let me people know that I struggle. I had to hold this mask up so that people thought that I had it all together. Well, let me be the first to say that I definitely don't have it all together. I'm a mess... a broken BEAUTIFUL mess. A mess that God took under his wing and loved back to life. Once the mask came off, it became clearer areas that needed work. That mask to hide temptation struggles, depressive thoughts, and lack of joy was the enemy was of trying to make me forget those things existed. Like if I covered those things up and smiled like everything was okay it would magically disappear. He is a DECEIVER, y'all. But when you realize that you have authority over the enemy and you USE it... things get better.
Starting Pinky Promise was the best thing I've ever done. I get to see God work in ways I've never dreamed of. I've see women restored in joy, peace, etc. I've see God tug at hearts and draw his daughters back close to him. I am truly and totally amazed at the times we sit and encounter God. It brings me so much to God work in the lives of his daughters. Women of all types...who don't have it all together, just seeking a better relationship with Christ.
As I said earlier, I don't have it all together. I use to think that if I shared the fact that I was struggling with a particular thing or feeling, I would get judged. Y'all know how folks talk, "Ooo, she gotta problem with ______". So I kept it all in hopes of maintaining my "good Christian girl image". But the truth is, masks come off and expose what's on the inside. Eventually, in a lot of tears and thoughts, it begin to come out. All those feelings of self doubt and fear were right there and I had a choice, capture it or let it capture me. Where in the bible does it tell me I have to be perfect or have it all together? So it was time to capture these things that were not of God. I had to remind myself of a few things:
1) Where God guides, he provides. I wouldn't have been lead to this place of my life if God would have equipped me to do his work.
2) God does not called the qualified, he qualifies the called.
3) Not feeling ready isn't an excuse to not do what I am called to do.
So, truth is, you don't have it all together for God to use you. In fact, we will never have it all together. Philippians 1:6 says that we are a work in progress until the return of Christ Jesus.
If I could encourage someone right now... Don't let the fact the you feel like you're not ready keep you from walking into the call God has on your life. If you know some of my testimony, you know that felt like I wasn't "saved" enough to start and lead a ministry. But, guess what, God saw what I didn't see!! He saw past all that negativity! God is going to be with you through the whole thing. All he wants is effort. Do what he is calling you to do. He's not gonna call you to do something and then leave you to do it alone. He's gonna help you!!! Believe me!! He will never leave you nor will forsake you. God wants to use your brokenness... your hurt...your insecurities. Let that draw you closer to Christ. He's waiting on you... run back into his arms.
So what am I saying? It's okay to be imperfect because it's impossible to be perfect. Take off the mask. We all struggle... but God is still good and perfect. Strive to be more like Jesus in everything you do. Draw near to him... not away. Get some accountability in your life. I have some amazing friends that are ready to pray whenever I need it. They are there to listen and give me some biblical advice and insight. Get you some praying girlfriends!! If you don't have someone to pray for you... I will be that friend!! I love to pray, lol.
I love you ladies,
xoxo.
Court.
I love it!
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