I will call upon your name...

What a week. I have just begin my THIRD year of college and I am totally loving it. Through it all, God has just definitely been busy dealing with me and teaching me to trust. Particularly, beyond my comfort zone. If you read my blogs, you know that I talked about how I asked for this season. A season where God taught me to trust him. Honestly, this has been the hardest season. Now I'm not complaining!! Sometimes, growth isn't the most pleasant thing to endure, but it's necessary. 

Typical first day of school picture, lol.

This past week it's like I had series of test. It started with financial issues in affording some of my books. If you know anything about college, you know that books are so expensive, and I really needed this particular book before classes started. I freaked out for a little while until the Holy Spirit checked me. Where was my faith? So, I quit worrying. I told God, just have your way. Do what YOU will. 

A few days later, a young lady gave me the book I needed for no cost. 

So after that moment, a had other several other issues come up.  I'm telling y'all it was like every time I thought I had my life in order, something else would happen. I was discouraged! I would think to myself, what is going on?! Am I just not focused? Am I doing something wrong? But I was instantly reminded of one of my favorite songs. Oceans by Hillsong.

"I will call upon your name and keep my eyes above the waves. When oceans rise, my soul will rest in your embrace, for I am yours and you are mine."

It hit me. There God was ministering to me in one line of a song. I am HIS and he is MINE. This statement remains true even if my world is falling, I feel hopeless, scared, discouraged, lost, WHATEVER the case may be. I am his. I am his child. He will PROTECT me. 

"Because he loves me," says the Lord, "I will rescue him; I will protect him because he acknowledges my name." Psalms 91:14

How could I have lost sight of the fact that I belong to Jesus? When you begin to focus more on this issue, rather than the problem solver, that can happen. When we refocus on Jesus and "keep our eyes above the waves" regardless of how big the storm is... we realize just how safe we are. Isn't it amazing to know that you don't go through storms alone? There's a man who's right here holding you hand the entire way through. It's amazing to know that even though the storm is racing over us and it looks like we're not gonna get through it, God's peace is hovering over us. God is saying, do you trust me? Do you trust me even through it looks like you may not make ? Do you trust me even though what I'm asking you to do feels uncomfortable? Do you trust even though it may hurt? Man, if we could only see what was on the other side of our obedience. If we could only see what lies ahead if we could just push through the fear of failure and the unknown. 

Release the fear. Trust God. 

xxoxo.

Courtney.  

Abandoned First Love.

"But I have this [one charge to make] against you: that you have left (abandoned) the love that you had at first [you have deserted me, your first love]." - Revelation 2:4

Have you ever been lost in life? I mean so lost! Like you're wondering around with no purpose, no drive, nothing at all. I recall spring 2013 where I was absolutely lost. I was wondering around trying to find purpose, love, and validity in worldly things. I had abandoned my first love. I had TURNED my back on God looking for CONTENTMENT in this world.

As I have began to prepare for this semester of Pinky Promise, I was drafting our first message during my quiet time. As I begin to write, I realized that I was preaching to myself and the Holy Spirit starting calling out areas of my life where I had once pulled away from God's love. I was shocked. Did I really think I could make it in life walking around empty and LEAVING the love that created me and replacing it with temporary MESS? Yes. Yes I did. See I thought that if I could keep myself busy with school I would be fine. I though that wearing the smallest, tightest, most revealing clothes for the attention I would feel better! But the truth is sis, nothing made me feel better. In the middle of party with my outfit on looking and feeling cute, I feel empty on the inside. I was dressed up on the outside and broken on the inside.

 I learned soon after that nothing can replace the love that Christ has for you or me. As far as I ran from God, his love was still constant. You can try and fill it up with randoms, sex, alcohol, and even school, but nothing with ever satisfy you but HIM. All those things eventually end. Stop running. Stop it. He wants you back.

My heart is heavy for my sisters who feel like that don't deserve God's love anymore. The ones who feel like the abortion, the rape, the abuse, the divorce, or something traumatic has separated them from God's love, so they're living in the pain of the past. Life happens sis. But don't let the pain turn you away from God. Stop wondering through life feeling empty and looking for something or someone to fill you up. The truth is sis, that man you think completes you is temporary, that bottle of liquor you're drinking will only last for so long, that high you're feeling will be gone soon. God is saying RETURN TO ME. I love you. I created you. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. You are not a mistake. That abortion, that pain, that emptiness does not define you. Abandon your fear and come back into the arms of love. I love you, allow me to heal you. I won't leave you like these temporary things. 

His ways are perfect girl. HIS LOVE IS THE ONLY LOVE THAT CAN HEAL YOU. Return back to him, sis. Return his arms of love. That will heal and restore you. That tragic event doesn't have to define you anymore. God defines you. Stop listening to the lies of the world and start speaking the word of God over your life. God makes broken things beautiful. His love never fails. 

you. are. loved.

you. are. forgiven.

you. are. beautiful.