The Ocean Floor.

How could I be so stupid? Why did I do that? How could God still use me, look at what I've done? I'm just way too far from Christ to even get back right.

Any of these questions so familiar? Honestly, I've said them all. None of us have a squeaky clean past. We all have done things that we're not proud or ashamed of. After I got saved, asked for forgiveness of my sin, and truly started living for Christ, the enemy had a field day in my thoughts. "Remember when you did this? Remember when that was you acting like that? Remember when you dated them? Yeah, you're not really over that, you're still a sinner." He was reminding me of all this stuff that GOD has forgiven me from. It made NO sense. Why was I feeling guilty about stuff that I was forgiven from? I had not forgiven myself. 

This was me. A depressed mess. I mean, I thought I was saved. So, why was a struggling so hard to conquer certain sins? Maybe I really wasn't forgiven... 

A lot of my issues came from me not dealing with stuff. I would brush the embarrassing, shameful issues and problems to the back of my mind and just forget about them. I thought that not dealing with things was a way of healing. 

Boy was I WRONG. There was HOPE and there still is. Satan is the father of LIES, y'all. LIES. Nothing that come from his mouth produces life. He has come to DESTROY you, (John 10:10) and he will do so by any means necessary. First off, know that you are forgiven by Christ. The bible tells us in Psalms 103:12 that as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us. Still don't believe you're really forgiven? Isaiah 43:25 says that HE will blot our sins away for HIS OWN SAKE and will NEVER think of them AGAIN.

God forgives you, so why can't you forgive you? Maybe you're too ashamed that you had an abortion. or maybe embarrassed that you're no longer a virgin, or maybe you're gay and you think you always have to be that way. It's time to start dealing with these things so that can God carry you to the next level. In order for you to elevate, you have to separate! Separate yourself from your old life!! That life no longer defines you!! Cry out to Christ and then embrace his grace and forgiveness. Stop allowing your past sin affect you. The enemy no more control over your life. You belong to JESUS. and to my sister who feels like God just can't use her... Please know that God can have his way in your life when you surrender all to him. Your testimony is going to help and encourage others!!! God is waiting for you, stop running and rest in him. 

So sis, stop beating yourself up. No one is perfect. God is so faithful and can use you beyond all your slip ups and mess ups.

In the midst of living in sin, I ran across a quote that said, "I was loved in my darkest hour." God knew what he was doing when I ran across that quote because it was always on my mind. That even when I was rebelling again Christ, I was still loved! Christ STILL died for me knowing that I was gonna turn from him!! What love does that?! It was that same love that drew me closer to him and helped me learn to forgive myself. Christ will help you through it!!! My prayer through that entire season was that God would change my identity. I wanted God to transform me to look like him!! God take away anything that doesn't look like you!!! 

My prayer for you tonight is that you would see yourself the way that God sees you. Forgiven and Loved. I love the song lyric, "your sins are erased, they are no more, they're on the ocean floor." Stop beating yourself up sis. God is gonna use you in a mighty way. Leave your sins at that cross.

" and I'll look to the cross as my failure is lost, in the light of your glorious grace, so let the ruins come to life, in the beauty of your name. Rising up for the ashes, God forever you'll reign." - Hillsong United - Glorious Ruins.

I'm praying for y'all and I'm always here if you ever need anything.

xoxox

Court.<3.