for your glory...

So has much has changed for me this year. God has taken me on a journey that has involved many hills and even a few valleys. Though seasons have changed, one word has stayed on my mind.

E L E V A T I O N. 

YEARS ago, my mentor told me that elevation that requires separation. At the time, I didn't want to hear it, because it was going to mean that I was going to have to give something up and change some things. I was content with where I was. If there was one thing that God has shown me, it's that you can't desire change and expect to go higher in Christ, without being willing to confront areas of your life that need change.

To elevate obviously means to go high or to another level. Who doesn't want to elevate? Elevation is great, but it is the process of getting there that no one wants to endure. We tell God, "I want more, take me higher" but none of us want to go through the process of getting there.  In order to higher, you have to let some things GO. A balloon cannot float higher when it's attached to a brick. As much as it tries, it's not going anywhere. The same concept applies to us, how can we except for God to take us to a new level in him when we have STUFF holding us down.

I remember when I told God that for his Glory, I would do anything.

ANYTHING. 

I don't think we realize what we mean when we sing that song. We're telling God that for his we will DO anything, we will GO through anything,  just to see his name get glory. And for me, that meant elevation. God I'm willing to do anything, I'm willing to give it all up if that means I'm closer to where you are.

Whew.

I had to stop procrastinating and get to another level in my walk with Christ. So often get saved and we want to stay in the same place. So 2 years later, we're still the same baby Christian with no elevation. As babies get older, their digestive system matures more and can handle more solid foods. Our relationship with Christ should be the same way. We have got to get to a place where we mature in Christ. My journey this far has been a struggle. I can't even lie and say that it isn't difficult being stretched and PRUNED by God. But it HAS to happen.

I want to bear POSITIVE fruit, so if there was anything on me that was not like Christ, then it HAS to go.

Which leads me into letting things go. You can't go higher in Christ with things of the world weighing you down.  You love God, but you still gotta _________ on the side because "it's just too good to give up, God knows my heart." We use these excuses to rationalize the fact that we've placed something before God. YES, you've made it an IDOL. God is a jealous God, he won't have ANYTHING before him. Examine yourself. What's hindering you from elevating? What is it that's keeping you from getting more of God?

Someone, somewhere is depending on YOUR obedience.


One of my favorite songs is Fill Me Up & Overflow by Tasha Cobbs. The song says that if  "You provide the fire, I'll provide the sacrifice." What is it that you're sacrificing? It may not feel good, but you're giving up so that the fire of GOD can live on the inside of you. A fire that can never die. That's the desperation for Christ I want to always have. God I'll give up anything just for you to feel me up with more of you .The song repeats, "Fill me up, God, Fill me up, God." How can God feel you up when you're full of JUNK? Release it all to him and allow him to fill you up with the love you need, with the peace you need, with the joy you want!

Looking at how hard this season has been, I'm seeing how God is getting the glory. I'm seeing how he is being glorified even in seasons of pruning and those dry season where it seems like he can't hear our prayers. If this is what I have to go through in order for someone to see that God will never leave you, and that elevating just means that you're closer to his presence and where he is, then it's worth it. I am a broken vessel before the Lord. Empty to so that he can fill me up and I can pour out to others.

It may not feel good.. but it's worth it.
xoxo.

Leaving the Job I love...

If you have asked me 2 1/2 years ago if I wanted to be Labor Nurse, I would have a called you 4 kinds of crazy. If you have asked me if I ever had plans on leaving the ER where I currently work, I would have be like... bye Felicia.  But now, here we are 2 1/2 years later and a week from tomorrow, I start my job as labor nurse at totally different hospital. 

Let me start by saying that I absolutely love working in the emergency room. There is always such a level of excitement when the ambulance calls in and tells us they're 10 minutes out with a trauma or a cardiac arrest. I loved how fast the days went by! All my teachers told me they could see me being an ER nurse. It was literally the perfect fit.  I was so comfortable there! I knew the doctors and had the best relationship with the ER staff. It was so a home feeling. 

June 2015 -- First day techin' in the ER.

                                                              The Backstory
About a year or so into my job in the ER, I got the opportunity to shadow some nurses in labor and delivery. I fell in love. The happiness, the excitement of being about of a life-giving moment was so amazing. I actually remember having tears during the first birth that I was apart of. I remember calling my mom and telling her that THIS was it. THIS was what I wanted to do after I graduated. 

But... I still loved the ER. Yes, there were some days I dreaded going to work, but the family atmosphere made it so much better.  I thought maybe I was just having a moment and I really didn't want to be Labor nurse... It was just a phase. LOL , boy was I WRONG. 

                                    Learning to Operate in MY Season.
During my last semester in Nursing school, I found 3 jobs that I kept on my radar. 2 Labor Jobs (1 at the current hospital) and of course an ER position.  The first job I applied to was on Labor floor at a local hospital close to home. The second one was at the hospital I currently worked at. I just KNEW they would hire me... I'm in good standing with the my current management, I'm reliable, etc. So it made sense in my head that I would work there.

I waited TWO weeks... and I didn't hear anything back. I had even spoken with the recruiter and she told me I had an interview for the position and that she would call me back in few days.  A few days turned into about a week and a half and phone call that basically told me that the position I wanted was gone and that I could interview for the night shift position. SO after a lot of back and forth, I ended cancelling the interview for night shift and not rescheduling. Later that week, I received a call back telling me that position had been filled as well and that I was welcome to interview for another position on a different floor. I thought MAN this would be the perfect time for me interview and go work in the ER... BUT i respectfully declined and within 30 minutes of that phone call... I was hired as a Labor nurse at another hospital.

As EXCITED as I was to have job IN CHILD BIRTH, I couldn't help but wonder why things didn't work out at the other hospital. WHY did have to leave?!  & the response God had for me was LIFE-CHANGING.

Your season is up here. See the bible tells us in Ecclesiastes 3:3 that there is a time to kill, a time to heal, and time to break down, and a time to build up. Working there was my time to break down and build up. Every season that God allows us to grow through serves a purpose. There is something in every season that God needs us to understand and master in order to get to the next season. For THIS very reason, we have to learn to operate in the season that God has blessed us with. We have to learn to BLOOM with GRACE in the season that we are in. My season at that hospital prepared for the nurse that God has allowed me to be. And as much as love the emergency room... I know that this season had to come to an end. 

This season of my life truly taught me patience. No, I haven't mastered it... But I have DEFINITELY made progress. This season taught me that God is God of second chances and that even when it seems that it's all about to fall apart, God can turn EVERYTHING around. 

More than anything, this season has taught me to be brave. It taught me that nothing extraordinary happens inside my comfort zone and that to see God move... sometimes you've got to go BEYOND what you can see. My prayer that I never get to comfortable and become deaf to what God has to tell me. See, comfort for me was staying at that hospital. And as much as I hate to leave my friends,  I have to be obedient. I have to operate in THIS season.  

I don't what assignment this season holds! Maybe God has someone for me to impact at this new hospital, or maybe it's something TOTALLY unrelated to my job. But I do know one thing; I have NEVER seen the righteous forsaken. HE goes before me and HE goes with me. And even when seems hard, (because it will) I know that GOD is moving on my behalf. This whole season is so much more than just being a labor nurse...God has shown me that THIS season is just a stepping stone into my next season. 

It is incredibly painful to try and grow in place that God did NOT call you to be in. YES, it hurts and it's awkward, but the reward that comes with your obedience can't TOP the growing pains you're feeling. (Romans 8:18 -- the pain you're feeling now, doesn't compare to the joy that's coming)

So BE OBEDIENT and GROW . IF you KNOW God is calling you out of something... GO. Be obedient RIGHT NOW. Stop hesitating and stop looking for excuses. 
God GUIDES and PROVIDES. 

So, will I ever go back to the ER?
WHO knows?! (probably)   😅😅

- one beautiful thing about seasons... they always come back around. 
Operate in the season GOD has called you to be in.

xoxo
Court.

Do it, even when it's HARD.

I know it's been a well over a year since my last blog and many of you probably wondered... what happened to Courtney? Well, I am back y'all... and guess what, I GRADUATED FROM COLLEGE.

The past 5 years, God has shown himself so faithful and I am SO thankful to have been KEPT. There were times that I thought I was going to completely LOSE my mind throughout this nursing program. I remembered one specific moment when I was about 1 second away from dropping everything that had to do with nursing and going back home. But clearly God had a different plan...

(:

One bit of encouragement I want to give to you all as we enter the new year is to be consistent. 

To be totally honest with y'all, my relationship with God was extremely rocky during certain periods of nursing school. I was trading in my quiet time to get and extra hour of studying or to do some review questions. Instead of waking up to pray, I was waking up to study before I even started my day. There were times where I was "all in"  and then there were time were I was actually frustrated with God. 

I remember when I had to repeat a class, I was so upset that I questioned God's will for my life. I thought "If nursing was for me, then God would not have let me fail this class." But the truth is, since nursing WAS for me, I had to fail this class. I needed that season of my life to remind that God's plan isn't always the easiest or comfortable. I needed to be reminded that delayed is NOT denied.  This was all in God's plan. His CRAZY, yet AMAZING plan. 

The season where I had to repeat a class was named "Grow where you're planted".  (I don't normally name seasons of my life, but for some reason I kept seeing that phrase everywhere). That season taught me what real consistency looks and feels like. I could have just went with my original plan and quit nursing school, but I chose to be GROW in my purpose, even though it hurt. I chose to remain consistent with the course that God placed me on.

I grew SO close to God during that season and I can tell you that the prayers prayed during that time had a LONG - LASTING effect on my time in nursing school. Now, was it easy working two jobs, retaking a class, and still having to go to clincals? Absolutely NOT. But, because I had accountability, it made it a little more easy to be consistent in my time with God.  I learned that even though I don't FEEL like praying, or reading my bible, that I have to fight past it to get what I need from God. We can't allow the enemy to distract us with temporary feelings. There is always a blessing on the other side of obedience. We can't be upset when we don't hear from God when we don't even spend time with him. 

the Tuesday Night crew... SO anointing in this room 

SO this 2018, be consistent. Give God HIS time. The answer to your issue/situation is in his presence. NOT an inspirational YouTube Video, or a book/blog, or a tweet. Here are some of the tips that help me currently,

1. Be flexible with your time that you spend with God. If you have a busy/unpredictable schedule, pick a time that works for you where you're not rushed. 

2. Find a plan/study guide that works for you. I prefer topical plans because they relate to what I'm going through. I typically write out/study scriptures that relate what I am going through.

3. Get a journal! 

4. Get alone/ without distractions.

5. Get a partner or group of friends that will genuinely hold you accountable. ACCOUNTABILITY is MAJOR KEY.  

Update -- In a couple of weeks, I will be doing another prayer challenge! This will be great opportunity be consistent with your time with God and have accountability.  

Stay tuned for dates (:

Feels good to be blogging again.

Love you, all.

the transformation.

Today is December 1st, which means we are less than a month from a new year. For some, these last few weeks will be spent reflecting on the past 11 months and the victories and losses we've experienced and for others it will be spent preparing and gladly saying goodbye to this year. 

This is also the time of year where so many people talk about the changes they're going to make going into 2017. New year, new me, right? Others plan on staying the exact same person with the same mindset. 

For me, this year didn't really go the way I had planned. I lost my peace, I was anxious, things just were NOT flowing the way I (keyword here) wanted them to. (You see what happens when you try and dictate your own future) And while things we not all bad, they were definitely far from glamorous. I sat down and thought what I needed to do differently going into new year and how if changes aren't made, then 2017 will be the EXACT same as 2016. Nothing will change but the calendar.

So examine yourself-- what mindset are you bringing into the new year? Are there things you need to leave behind in the new year? Habits? People? 

Staying the same person for some of us is dangerous entering the new year. We (I say we because we are all in this together and NO one is perfect) cannot enter the new with the same mindset that we have now. 

Romans 12: 2 says "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is-- his good, pleasing and perfect will." 

Let's break this down... Some of us aren't being transformed because we're still trying to please God with the SAME mindset we had before we got saved. You're still trying to please God and have your way as well. (Ouch) It doesn't work like that. You can love God all you want. You can go to church and post every scripture in the bible and still not be transformed. You can't elevate with stuff weighing you down. How can you expect "blessings" when you're in order with Christ? 

The second half of that says  "then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is-- his good, pleasing and perfect will". How can we know God's will for our lives, the new year, or for the week, if we still have a worldly mindset? 

We can want God to move in our lives so much in 2017. But we cannot expect elevation without separation. Separation from sin, people, habits, ALL THAT. Any distraction that is hindering you, let it go.

Lastly, don't wait until the new year to focus on your relationship with God. There are 30 days left in this year and anything could happen between now and then. 

We are living in a very dangerous time and your eyes really need to be focused on Christ in these last days. 

1 Peter 5:8 says "be alert and of a sober mind. Your enemy, the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour." 

Y'all ever seen a hungry lion? They seek around looking for the weakest to kill. They often kill the babies because they are the slowest and the most vulnerable. That's how the enemy is, he's looking for the one that's weak in their prayer life and spirit. Don't be caught slippin'. 

Jesus. Is. Coming. 

The word say 1 Timothy 4:1-- The spirit clearly says that in later times some will abandon the faith and follow deceiving spirits and things taught by demons. 

Don't fall away and be deceived. 

Trust God, be obedient. 

Be transformed.

xoxo.  

Yes, I'm STILL in college.

Dear Student that's STILL in college,

If you're like me, you're over the fact that you're still in college. You're over the fact that when you look up, half your friends are about to graduate (or have graduated) and you're still a year (or more) a way. You're over the thousands you've accumulated over the past few years only to be reminded that you're STILL not done yet. We get it, I get it. But guess what, it's not the end of the world.

KEEP FIGHTING. 

the calling on your life is worth fighting for. so FIGHT. 

"Fight the good fight for the true faith. Hold tightly to the eternal life to which God has called you, which you have declared so well before many witnesses." - 1 Timothy 6:12

We all go to college with this mentality that we're going to finish undergrad in 4 years. In my case, I was going to finish in this year. Fall 2016. Well.. I'm not and I'm becoming okay with that. The goal is to finish. This isn't a race. This isn't a competition. You have to work at your own pace.

SO here are some tips I have for those of us still in college...

1. Stop beating yourself up. You're not a failure. It's okay that you're still working on your degree and chances are, you're alot closer than you think and if you give up now, you WILL regret it. Don't down yourself just because it's taking you longer. 

2. Some degree programs take a little longer than others... So if you're you like me and you've chosen a major such as nursing or some type of health major, you're probably won't finish in exactly 4 years. It's just the way the course work it set up and if they don't offer summer classes, or if your financial situation doesn't allow your to take extra hours in a semester, then it will take you longer. AND THAT'S OKAY. 

3. Jeremiah 29:11 says "I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord, "plans to give you hope and a future." God has YOUR future in HIS hands. We have to trust his timing and not ours. Regardless of the plans we make for ourselves, if they don't line up with what God has.. they really don't matter. I had dreams of being nurse by 2017, with my specialty certification by 2018 and now those plans have been shifted. But who knows what God is doing... He could be saving the perfect job offer for me when it's time, the perfect teacher, etc. I'm learning to trust his time, even when it doesn't make sense.

4. You're not behind. Honestly, it's okay that you're still in college. You're working on the rest of your life and you can't up a time on that. It's okay that you're friends are graduating and moving on. It's great actually. Celebrate with them and then refocus. Your time is coming.

5. So maybe you changed your major a few times... 

I use to be like DANG why are people still changing their major this late in the game. Now, I totally understand it. You can't spend all this time and money getting a degree for something you don't absolutely love. You're going to be doing this for the rest of your life. Make it count. 

6.  YOUR TIME IS COMING. God hasn't forgotten about you. Neither has your school. You're going to graduate. Even if it takes you longer. Even if you've got to put in a little extra work to get there. The key is not giving up. Sooner than later, this will be a memory for you to reflect on. Don't get distracted and don't get discouraged. Remember that you are positioned for such a time as this. 

idk, heaven or hell...

In the past few months, I've seen rest in peace more times than I can count. I've seen young people (a lot of them younger than me) shot, killed in accidents, killed in terrorist attacks, and the list goes on. Each time I see a new post, I always ask , I wonder if they where living for Christ? I wonder if they died knowing that without a shadow of a doubt, they would go to Heaven.

So now I ask you the question, if you died right now, where would you go? Heaven or Hell?

It's question we've probably all have been asked once in our life, but how many times have you asked yourself this? Where are you going?

Hell is a real place. It's so real that people are dying and going there every second. See, when we stand before the Lord, either he will say, well done my good and faithful servant, or depart from me, I never knew you. The last thing you ever want to hear, is God deny you. There will be a day where Sunday school, bible study, prayer meetings, volunteer work, and all those good things won't matter. Were you obedient to the word of God and pursue him? Or were you selfish and pursued sin? See you can do all those things and still go to Hell. Why? Because all that stuff is good, but if you're still pursuing YOUR will over GOD'S WILL then, what good is it doing? There are not enough good deeds or volunteer hours, or church events, to put you in Heaven. It's your acceptance of Jesus into your heart and your obedience to his word that gets you there.

Jesus told them, "I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one can come to the father except through me. " (John 14:6)

I saw a post today, that said (paraphrasing) just because you say RIP about someone, doesn't put them in Heaven. If your friend, family, etc. was living outside the will of God, they are in a real place called Hell. -- And a much as we don't won't to believe that, it's the truth. Not everyone that dies, is going to Heaven.

So back to the question, where are you going?

So what am I saying? Pursue Christ, not sin. Sin is NOT worth it. No sin is worth being separated from Christ. I mean, can you image not having access to Christ? We can all die at any moment and Christ can show up at any moment. It's time out for games. Yes, you go church and you listen to gospel music sometimes, but what is your life like outside of church?

We cannot continue to SIN and then expect to go to Heaven.

It's time out for dabbing in sin and praising on Sunday. It's time out for doing what we want because it's our life. We're dealing with Heaven and Hell. When you're living in sin and outside the will of God, it's tiring. Stop running and rest. Stop allowing pride, stubbornness and laziness to keep you from elevating in Christ. Remember, to know right and do wrong is a SIN. (James 4:17)
. You can't stay where you are, you gotta MOVE. If you're not growing your dying.

Pray for your unsaved friends. Friends don't let friends die without knowing Christ. Be an example of how God can ANYONE from ANYTHING. Don't think you're too far out. Some of you have powerful testimonies that God is ready for you to reveal.

So tonight, answer the question.
If you died in your sleep, you would know without a shadow of a doubt that you would go to heaven?
If not, ask Jesus back into your heart, repent of your sin, and start pursuing Christ. As long as you're still breathing, it's never too late.

Jesus died for you,(John 3:16)
live for him. Hell was never a place that was made for you.

I'm here if you ever need to talk,
Here's to fresh start and really living for Christ.

xoxox,

Courtney. 

Sorry God, I'm busy right now.

How often do we say things without really meaning them? In the hustle and bustle of life, I know people will ask me , "hey, how are you?" and without thinking, i'll answer, "i'm good". I could be doing absolutely horrible, but I'm in such a routine in telling people that I'm doing good that I don't think about it.

I think that our prayer and worship life gets like that.  We sit in church and lift our hands to all these songs about freedom, not really realizing what we're declaring or saying. There other day, I was listening to a song that said, "Lord take it away, whatever it is, that's my desire, I want you heart."We sing songs like this all time telling God that we will do anything for him and how much we want to change, but when it come down to it, we really aren't willing to give up that lifestyle, that sin, or that desire. But along the way, we expect God to do things and bless us! We think that we can stay the same and God will just bless us in our mess. We cannot continue to "do us" and try and live for God. You have to chose ... are you living for you or for God? 

I went through a lot this past year. I have said over and over again that I prayed for this season. In addition, I prayed for God to help me trust him more and increase my faith. With elevation, comes separation. God stripped me. I felt like I had hit rock bottom. But the beautiful thing about rock bottom is that you're forced to look up. You're forced to turn your eyes to the hills where your help comes from. You have an instant choice to make when you hit rock bottom, either turn TO God or AWAY from him. Throughout this season, I relied on worship music and alone time. As I would listen to some of the lyrics, I would ask myself do I really mean what I'm singing? Do I really mean that I would do anything for God's glory? Do I really want God's will for my life over my life? Am I intentional about God as he is about me? But the big one was, Do I really want God to strip me from things don't look like him?

Don't make your life with God just another motion you go through, just to say you did. Intentionally seek the face of God. We all want so much from God, but we don't give him the time to respond. We end our busy day and go into prayer saying God please do this, do that, bless this, heal this, bless my haters, and remove those away from me that don't mean me no good, amen. Then we go to bed. 

What if God has something to tell you? You talked to him but you didn't even give him time to speak to your heart. So then you develop this mentality that God is ignoring you and not answering your prayers. Are we really so busy that we don't have time to let God talk to us? He could have told you that you don't need this or that in this season of you life. He could have told you that he wants you to go be a witness to that person you've classified as a hater and trying to cut off. He could have encouraged you to not quit or give up on that dream because it's what He's called you to do. But you won't know because you're too busy.

I'm guilty of this. I use to beg for sign, but the whole time the sign was right in front of me, I just didn't take the time to seek the answer. Everything we need is in him. We just have to seek it. 

This has to be the foundation of everything. John 3:30 -- He must INCREASE and I must DECREASE. I can't want anything more than I want God. I can't want this nursing degree more than I want God. I can't make an idol out of something that I'm doing for God's glory. It's not for me. It's not for you. That dream or that vision is NOT your own. You're the carrier of it. God has entrusted you to give birth it. Your desire for marriage, or children, or cars, money, success, cannot be greater than God. Don't get me wrong, all these things are wonderful, just don't make them an idol. Remember every good and perfect thing comes from him. Allow him to give it to you in his time.

Don't allow yourself to become so busy that you don't have time for God. That sign you've been asking for is in his presence. That peace you need is in his presence. Everything you need is there. Don't neglect him. Return to his love, your first love.

his glory alone,

Courtneyyy.