abnormal.

I have reached the conclusion that I am abnormal. 

I'm currently taking a class that is focused on making yourself better. We cover a variety of topics, some of which leave me looking real crazy. Our last topic helped me reach the conclusion, I am abnormal.

Our topic was sex. You can imagine how this conversation went being among college students. There were so many opinions shared, most of which I disagreed with. I felt SO uncomfortable. Not because people where talking about sex, but because of the lack of morals and standards of those who called themselves Christians. I sat there LOST and while my flesh was eager to speak, my attitude was not in check and it was not the time nor the place.


ab·nor·mal 

So, why do I think I'm abnormal? I'm a virgin by CHOICE. Not because I haven't found "Mr.Right" but because "Mr. Right" will NOT compromise my purity. Sex is for marriage.  Being a Christian and a follower of Christ, the word of God is very clear about sex and honoring your body. SO WHAT you're young and you want to experience life? The life you THINK you're experiencing is NOTHING like the life Christ can give you once you surrender it all to him. Not all college students are having sex. I have so many sisters in Christ who are celibate and choosing to honor God with their life and bodies in their college years. College is not the time for you to have sex and experience all  these things and then decide you're going to grow up. No sis, we're dealing with eternity. ETERNITY, like heaven or hell. Do you not realize that Jesus could come back at any moment? Or that you life could be over? Stop living for the moment. The excuse "I'm young and was trying to have fun" or "experience life before I settle down" will not work. God wants your YOUTH. Not only that, he wants your entire life . You can't live with one foot in the world and then acknowledge God every now and then. Let him use you in your college years!! You don't have to be like everyone else.  Be SET APART. 

I'm not embarrassed about being a virgin. I love being abnormal. When people find out that I am a virgin they always ask How have you made it this far?

Well, it was instilled in me that sex was for marriage at very young age. So I've always thought of it this way. I never veered from it. Was it tough? Absolutely! We live in sex craved world. You're relationship isn't thriving if you're not satisfying your boyfriend. No one thinks about the fact that sex ties two people together. Sex ties MARRIED couples together. I'm a firm believer in soul ties.When you sleep with person, your soul is know tied with them. You have deposited a piece of yourself into them and vice versa. What's the point of creating soul ties with man who you're not even legally tied to? Instant pleasure? Just because you can? No sis, please hear it from me if you hear from NO ONE ELSE, you are worth MARRIAGE. YES, BOO, MARRIAGE. Forget waiting 90 days and lets discuss that for a minute. Baby... you're worth so much more than 90 days. This rule says a man has to "prove himself worthy of the cookie" for 90 days before a woman should be sexual with him. Absolutely not, sis. Don't place a limit on yourself. You are worth marriage and your Adam will know that and will not compromise that.

Flee immorality. Every other sin that a man commits is outside the body, but the immoral man sins against his own body. 

- 1 Corinthians 6:18

Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.

- 1 Corinthians 6:19-20.

I heard Cornelius Lindsey say that "We believe we can do all things through Christ except stop sinning." We believe we can pass that test, or get through that situation, yet can't quit sinning. I think the truth is, we believe we can do it, we just chose not to. Because it feels good right now.  YOU CAN DO THIS.  Be bold, step out an honor God with your body and life. Be abnormal.

Now, don't think I'm judging or bashing you because you've had sex or having sex. But what am I challenging you to be the wholesome woman God has called you to be. Be holy. The TOTAL opposite of society's idea of normal. 

Wait, I'm not ready...

Can I be transparent? I don't like talking about stuff like this, but I definitely feel lead to share.

I go through these weird stages in life where I feel like I'm in a fog. Kinda like, I'm here, but I'm not here, if that makes sense. Just going through life... going through the motions. I don't like talking about it much because I use to feel like I can't let me people know that I struggle. I had to hold this mask up so that people thought that I had it all together. Well, let me be the first to say that I definitely don't have it all together. I'm a mess... a broken BEAUTIFUL mess. A mess that God took under his wing and loved back to life. Once the mask came off, it became clearer areas that needed work. That mask to hide temptation struggles, depressive thoughts, and lack of joy was the enemy was of trying to make me forget those things existed. Like if I covered those things up and smiled like everything was okay it would magically disappear. He is a DECEIVER, y'all. But when you realize that you have authority over the enemy and you USE it... things get better.

Starting Pinky Promise was the best thing I've ever done. I get to see God work in ways I've never dreamed of. I've see women restored in joy, peace, etc. I've see God tug at hearts and draw his daughters back close to him. I am truly and totally amazed at the times we sit and encounter God. It brings me so much to God work in the lives of his daughters. Women of all types...who don't have it all together, just seeking a better relationship with Christ.


As I said earlier, I don't have it all together. I use to think that if I shared the fact that I was struggling with a particular thing or feeling, I would get judged. Y'all know how folks talk, "Ooo, she gotta problem with ______". So I kept it all in hopes of maintaining my "good Christian girl image". But the truth is, masks come off and expose what's on the inside. Eventually, in a lot of tears and thoughts, it begin to come out. All those feelings of self doubt and fear were right there and I had a choice, capture it or let it capture me. Where in the bible does it tell me I have to be perfect or have it all together? So it was time to capture these things that were not of God. I had to remind myself of a few things:
1) Where God guides, he provides. I wouldn't have been lead to this place of my life if God would have equipped me to do his work.
2) God does not called the qualified, he qualifies the called.
3) Not feeling ready isn't an excuse to not do what I am called to do.

So, truth is, you don't have it all together for God to use you. In fact, we will never have it all together. Philippians 1:6 says that we are a work in progress until the return of Christ Jesus.

If I could encourage someone right now... Don't let the fact the you feel like you're not ready keep you from walking into the call God has on your life. If you know some of my testimony, you know that felt like I wasn't "saved" enough to start and lead a ministry. But, guess what, God saw what I didn't see!! He saw past all that negativity! God is going to be with you through the whole thing. All he wants is effort. Do what he is calling you to do. He's not gonna call you to do something and then leave you to do it alone. He's gonna help you!!! Believe me!! He will never leave you nor will forsake you. God wants to use your brokenness... your hurt...your insecurities. Let that draw you closer to Christ. He's waiting on you... run back into his arms.

So what am I saying? It's okay to be imperfect because it's impossible to be perfect. Take off the mask. We all struggle... but God is still good and perfect. Strive to be more like Jesus in everything you do. Draw near to him... not away. Get some accountability in your life. I have some amazing friends that are ready to pray whenever I need it. They are there to listen and give me some biblical advice and insight. Get you some praying girlfriends!! If you don't have someone to pray for you... I will be that friend!! I love to pray, lol. 

I love you ladies,
xoxo.
Court.

I will call upon your name...

What a week. I have just begin my THIRD year of college and I am totally loving it. Through it all, God has just definitely been busy dealing with me and teaching me to trust. Particularly, beyond my comfort zone. If you read my blogs, you know that I talked about how I asked for this season. A season where God taught me to trust him. Honestly, this has been the hardest season. Now I'm not complaining!! Sometimes, growth isn't the most pleasant thing to endure, but it's necessary. 

Typical first day of school picture, lol.

This past week it's like I had series of test. It started with financial issues in affording some of my books. If you know anything about college, you know that books are so expensive, and I really needed this particular book before classes started. I freaked out for a little while until the Holy Spirit checked me. Where was my faith? So, I quit worrying. I told God, just have your way. Do what YOU will. 

A few days later, a young lady gave me the book I needed for no cost. 

So after that moment, a had other several other issues come up.  I'm telling y'all it was like every time I thought I had my life in order, something else would happen. I was discouraged! I would think to myself, what is going on?! Am I just not focused? Am I doing something wrong? But I was instantly reminded of one of my favorite songs. Oceans by Hillsong.

"I will call upon your name and keep my eyes above the waves. When oceans rise, my soul will rest in your embrace, for I am yours and you are mine."

It hit me. There God was ministering to me in one line of a song. I am HIS and he is MINE. This statement remains true even if my world is falling, I feel hopeless, scared, discouraged, lost, WHATEVER the case may be. I am his. I am his child. He will PROTECT me. 

"Because he loves me," says the Lord, "I will rescue him; I will protect him because he acknowledges my name." Psalms 91:14

How could I have lost sight of the fact that I belong to Jesus? When you begin to focus more on this issue, rather than the problem solver, that can happen. When we refocus on Jesus and "keep our eyes above the waves" regardless of how big the storm is... we realize just how safe we are. Isn't it amazing to know that you don't go through storms alone? There's a man who's right here holding you hand the entire way through. It's amazing to know that even though the storm is racing over us and it looks like we're not gonna get through it, God's peace is hovering over us. God is saying, do you trust me? Do you trust me even through it looks like you may not make ? Do you trust me even though what I'm asking you to do feels uncomfortable? Do you trust even though it may hurt? Man, if we could only see what was on the other side of our obedience. If we could only see what lies ahead if we could just push through the fear of failure and the unknown. 

Release the fear. Trust God. 

xxoxo.

Courtney.  

Abandoned First Love.

"But I have this [one charge to make] against you: that you have left (abandoned) the love that you had at first [you have deserted me, your first love]." - Revelation 2:4

Have you ever been lost in life? I mean so lost! Like you're wondering around with no purpose, no drive, nothing at all. I recall spring 2013 where I was absolutely lost. I was wondering around trying to find purpose, love, and validity in worldly things. I had abandoned my first love. I had TURNED my back on God looking for CONTENTMENT in this world.

As I have began to prepare for this semester of Pinky Promise, I was drafting our first message during my quiet time. As I begin to write, I realized that I was preaching to myself and the Holy Spirit starting calling out areas of my life where I had once pulled away from God's love. I was shocked. Did I really think I could make it in life walking around empty and LEAVING the love that created me and replacing it with temporary MESS? Yes. Yes I did. See I thought that if I could keep myself busy with school I would be fine. I though that wearing the smallest, tightest, most revealing clothes for the attention I would feel better! But the truth is sis, nothing made me feel better. In the middle of party with my outfit on looking and feeling cute, I feel empty on the inside. I was dressed up on the outside and broken on the inside.

 I learned soon after that nothing can replace the love that Christ has for you or me. As far as I ran from God, his love was still constant. You can try and fill it up with randoms, sex, alcohol, and even school, but nothing with ever satisfy you but HIM. All those things eventually end. Stop running. Stop it. He wants you back.

My heart is heavy for my sisters who feel like that don't deserve God's love anymore. The ones who feel like the abortion, the rape, the abuse, the divorce, or something traumatic has separated them from God's love, so they're living in the pain of the past. Life happens sis. But don't let the pain turn you away from God. Stop wondering through life feeling empty and looking for something or someone to fill you up. The truth is sis, that man you think completes you is temporary, that bottle of liquor you're drinking will only last for so long, that high you're feeling will be gone soon. God is saying RETURN TO ME. I love you. I created you. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. You are not a mistake. That abortion, that pain, that emptiness does not define you. Abandon your fear and come back into the arms of love. I love you, allow me to heal you. I won't leave you like these temporary things. 

His ways are perfect girl. HIS LOVE IS THE ONLY LOVE THAT CAN HEAL YOU. Return back to him, sis. Return his arms of love. That will heal and restore you. That tragic event doesn't have to define you anymore. God defines you. Stop listening to the lies of the world and start speaking the word of God over your life. God makes broken things beautiful. His love never fails. 

you. are. loved.

you. are. forgiven.

you. are. beautiful.

'Tis the Season to be JOLLY.

I don’t know about y’all, but lately I’ve been so tired. Straight up, exhausted! However, the Lord spoke to me earlier and told me that I needed to blog on SEASONS and the one I have recently entered.

I’ve entered into this quiet season of my life where it seems like God has me on the DND mode. Not get me wrong, I KNOW that God isn’t ignoring me, it just feels like not really talking to me much. This season begin probably about a month ago. Once school ended and I conquered a pretty tough class thing were going great. Then it seemed like God just kinda got quiet. During this time I had a few pretty good quiet times but then it seemed like I just wasn’t getting the same feeling once it was over.  I thought over and over what I could be doing wrong. Was it the version of the bible I was reading? Was it the way and time I chose to have quiet time? WHAT WAS IT?! All while this is going on, I had a tough decision to make and attacks from enemy were finding me left and right. I really needed to hear from God but it seemed like he was hiding from me.

I was reminded last night that I asked for this season.  Now, I didn’t say “Lord, make things hard for me and then ignore me when I pray.”  I asked God to teach me to trust him.  A few months ago, he showed me that I didn’t fully trust him and of course, I needed to work on that.  On May 24^th, I wrote in my journal,“ Lord, teach me to trust you just as Abraham did with his only son. I want to be so deeply in love and focused on you that I’d do anything for you. Strip me of anything that is distracting. Increase and I will decrease."  I just want more of God.

That was it. God is giving me exactly what I asked for. I asked him to help me learn to to trust him and that is what he is doing. I was lead to read Genesis 22 and the story of Abraham and Isaac. God told Abraham to sacrifice his only son.  Abraham was obedient and took his son to the place where God told him about and just as he was about to slay his son, and angel appeared and said “Abraham! Abraham! Do not lay a hand on the boy, do not do anything to him. Now I know that you fear the God, because you have not withheld from me your son, your only son.” (Genesis 22:11-12) He trusted God. He trusted God with everything in him.

After reading the story, I realized that I need to take the limits off God. I needed to remove the boundaries and trust him every area of my life. As I progress through this season, I can’t help but be thankful. Thankful that even though things are far from perfect and I may feel a little lost, God is teaching me to trust him, even though I can’t trace him. I could have easily gone back to my old lifestyle when this test came over me. I could have easily called my best friend and complained, or got on twitter and gone on a rant. But instead, I’m taking this as a learning experience. I am choosing to pass this test and draw closer to him. And don’t get me wrong, this is NOT easy. Going through trials are not supposed to be fun. But I have a decision, I can either pout or praise.  I can let the enemy trick me and fall into his lies or can praise God despite how crazy things may seem. And as
much I feel weary and tired, sis, I am reminded in Galatians 6 that I will reap a harvest if I don’t give up.  

So sis, if you’re in the same season as I am, keep pressing through this quiet season with me. Perhaps God is teaching you to trust him. As crazy as it may sound, God is still here. Even now as I’m writing, I feel his presence. Don’t think for moment that he has left you. Don’t think that he is ignoring you. I see quotes all the time that says “teachers are always quiet during tests.” And it's true. Eventually, we’re gonna have to pass these test on our own and stop relying on others to help get us through.  It’s easy to say you trust God when everything is great! Rent paid, boyfriend is great, family is good, grades good, etc.  But can say it and MEAN it when all hell is breaking lose in your life? Can you say it when your family is falling apart, friendships are diminishing, your money is funny, etc.?

Ask God to teach you to trust him. Learn to leave it all in his hands. Stop worrying. This season is necessary. We MUST go through in order to get the next season. Don't rush it, don't try to avoid it, just trust God through it. Trust the process.

Still Fighting.

Good Evening, I hope everyone is having a great day!!! Happy SUMMER :)

Last night, I had an AMAZING quiet time. I've been doing a Psalm's study where I read and study a few Psalm's each night. Well, last night was awesome and of course, I HAD to share.

Last night, as I studied Psalm's 18, God dropped in my spirit, "the enemies you fight aren't always humans." An enemy is someone/thing that is against you. It doesn't want to see you go forward. I've felt in my spirit for a while that someone of you are dealing with hurt, the spirit of depression and suicidal thoughts. I tell girls this all the time, you are NOT a product of depression. Your father is NOT the author of depression. Satan created that mess. He has come to STEAL, KILL, and DESTROY. (John 10:10) He wants to steal your joy, he wants to kill your happiness, and destroy your peace of mind. But sis, let me tell you, don't let that spirit of depression or whatever enemy you're fighting take you out. Keep fighting. Put on the full armor of God and fight this fight. When you feel like you're drowning and like nothing is getting better, know that God can and will pull you out of the deep waters. (Psalm 18:16) Don't let the enemy trick you and make you think that this the end for you. The Lord DELIGHTS in you. He loves you so much. He WANTS to see you full of joy and free from those enemies that want to take you out.  What are you fighting? Is it lust? Anger? Unforgiveness? Whatever it is, keep fighting. Allow God to help you. 

"I pursued my enemies and overtook them; I did not turn back till they were destroyed. I crushed them so that they could not rise; they fell beneath my feet." Psalm 18:37-38. When you take control over something that has been controlling you, it feels so good. When you conquer that enemy, you feel victorious and God enables you to help others who are going through the same situation. Don't be ashamed of the enemies you've destroyed. God could have left you alone. He could have said, "I'm gonna let her fight by herself." But because he loves you and because you're his child, he chose to save you.  Your enemies will NOT take you out. 

I'll leave you with this video called "God could have left Job alone." It's the perfect video about he God could have forgotten about Job, but chose to rescue him.

If you ever need prayer, to talk, or anything, feel free to contact me. My contact form is to the right. (:

xoxo.

Courtney.

God Could Have Left Job Alone (click the link)

Step ONE... THEN step TWO.

All through grade school, students who didn’t get their lesson had to get held back. I remember this around kindergarten through about the second grade. For whatever reasons, students didn’t get their lesson and had to get held back in that grade until they got the information they needed. It was sad to see them stay behind and as much as they wanted to move forward, they couldn’t until where fully prepared for the next grade. This scenario happens a lot in our walk with Christ. We want STEP TEN without passing through the FIRST STEP. We aren’t prepared for step ten! A lot of our step one is spending time with Christ. When you spend time with Christ, he can reveal things to you and show you what you need to be doing and things you need to change.

Ex. You can’t expect God to bless you with a new job and you have a nasty attitude toward everyone. Spending time with God will show you that you need to need have an attitude to check because it’s hindering you from progressing forward.

See, we can’t expect to advance in our lives if we keep stumbling and failing every test that is presented toward us. I remember when I wanted to be in a relationship and I was always saying “God has the perfect man for me; I just have to be patient.” Yeah, that’s true, but what are you doing while you’re waiting? Are entertaining a guy who you KNOW you don’t need to be with? Having sex outside of marriage? Going to the club with all your goodies hanging out? Or are you spending time with Christ and allowing him to be your focus? What are you choosing do while you wait?

How we expect God to send us a man and we’re running around here entertaining and FLIRTING with sin? You’re not passing the test. So often we just expect the reward without doing the work. I am currently single and believing God for my Adam. While I am waiting, I’m choosing to be obedient and do what he says so that when my Adam wakes up, I recognize him!!! I’d be lying if I told you that at times it didn’t get difficult and that I don’t get tempted. But each time I chose to pass the test because I KNOW that I have to allow this time to prepare me for what is to come. For me, my step one is strengthening my relationship with Christ. I can’t properly be led by my potential husband if I can’t even be led by Christ. When your focus is Christ, you don’t have time to focus on what you think you need. It teaches you contentment.

An area of my life where I am truly learning to trust the process is in ministry. When I first started, I knew I wanted to speak to other women in various places, not just in Troy. But first, I had to pass step one- being intentional about my walk with Christ. Making an effort each day to have quiet time no matter how tired I was. Once I passed step one, I progressed to starting a Pinky Promise Chapter at Troy University, which was my step two. It wasn’t easy to get to that place though, I had several test throughout this entire journey! But if didn’t learn nothing else, it was to trust God. Trust him even though I can’t see what’s ahead. Trust him when I can’t see how something is going to work. You have to TRUST the process. It doesn’t always feel good, but it’s necessary. When I got quiet before the Lord before I started Pinky Promise, the Lord checked me about my friends and my attitude. Did it feel good to leave certain friend behind and love them from a distance? HECK NO. Was it easy when I had to bite my tongue and not go off on people? HECK NO. But it was VITAL that I did these things.

John 15:2 says that “he cut off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it can be even more fruitful.”

I encourage you to spend some time before the Lord and allow him to prune you and get you ready for your step 2. Don’t expect the reward without the work. Be obedient. Spend time with the Father. Allow him to help you. Trust the process, God is going to finish what he started! He will NEVER leave you.

“being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to the completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” - Philippians 1:6 

“Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” – Hebrews 13:5